I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Randomize
