Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
