i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Randomize
