There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
