so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
