Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
