who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
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