I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
its not stalking. its research.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
