Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Randomize
