i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
