make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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