That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Randomize
