I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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