i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
