I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Randomize
