How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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