So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
