i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
i now understand why vodka
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
