Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
