the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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