so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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