when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Randomize
