I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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