I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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