i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
