Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Randomize
