please come you make the beer taste better
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
