I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Randomize
