well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
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