Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
