I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
