the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
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