Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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