This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Boobs are out for the taking
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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