they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
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