I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Randomize
