Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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