these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
