I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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