Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
do nipples grow back?
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