Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
