a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
