Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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