I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Randomize
