How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
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