The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
