listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
