Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
