oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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