My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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