LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Randomize
