So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Randomize
