...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
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