and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I think my moral compass just broke
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
