i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
